Sending tears to earth

Columns | Vienna Review | June 2010

There is nothing on earth more comforting than the sound of millions of tiny raindrops knocking at your window, seeking permission to enter your soul and put out burning passions of your heart. But these, to me, gentle sounds seem to be calming after all. Uneven rhythms create the feeling of sadness. The clouds, sending their tears to earth upon the most heart-breaking loss, compose a symphony to narrate my deepest mourning. But be careful, if you do not open your heart and allow tears stream down your face, my story would make no sense to you at all.

Listening to the sounds on a rainy afternoon last week, I felt a swelling sense of loss rose up within me, and I was suddenly swept over with longing -- to have my old teddy bear back.    Everything was so much easier when I was a child. Worries were few, fears barely existed and if they did, they were minor ones, hardly worth mentioning.

A teddy bear is a perfect confident, the one I could talk to when sadness overwhelmed me, the one I could laugh with when happiness raised me to heaven. I could tell him everything and he always accepted it. His friendship was sincere, no preconditions required and no quarrel would harm our close ties. Hand in hand, my teddy and I used to walk into his magical world of happiness. I met some of his friends as well: Rex, the soft-toy dog and Hase, a random long-legged bunny.

But I understand. He got old and tired of taking me to new adventures.

I’m a grown-up now. But still, on rainy afternoons, I feel sent back to the days when he and I were inseparable. And as I watched the raindrops following an invisible path down the window in my room, I wondered where he was, and who would now dry my tears.

– Sarah Rabl

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